Most of the time.
Most of the time I feel strong enough to make it through this. Most of the time I don’t let myself get sucked into my own kind of numbness and fake relief. Most of the time I feel like I can put on a genuine smile.
Most of the time.
But right now I feel weak and hopeless. Right now I feel empty, lost, forgotten. I can’t breathe easy and all I want to do is eat the pain away. I don’t know where it came from. I didn’t feel this way earlier. It just kind of hit me. Boom. It hurts.
Do you know how bad it hurts to hide inside of yourself all of the time? Do you know how hard it is to never feel like it’s truly going to be okay? Do you know how it feels to hate every word you write because you don’t want to feel this way? I do. All the time.
Writing this isn’t making me feel any better.
